Halfway There

This morning, I spent my morning looking out over the Pacific Ocean. Seagulls flew over graffitied alleyways, and dogs lay out in the streets, resting in a warm sun after a long winter. Blonde-haired foreigners stood at street corners, double checking their maps and Lonely Planets as they tried to wrap their heads around the winding streets of Valparaiso.

Cargo ships bore the weight of rusted red crates in the dock, and the typical port-city buildings lined themselves along the coast, painting the landscape in a montage of pastel blues, reds, greens, yellows, and pinks. The mountains looked small in the distance, reminding me that I was out of the city and that soon, I would have to go back.

This weekend, CIEE hosted us in Valparaiso, paying for our bus tickets, hostels, and meals. We spent four hours in a teaching workshop, debriefing, comparing, and contrasting our experiences. Then, we were treated to some of the best seafood I've ever had. Granted, I don't like seafood, but even I couldn't say "no" to ceviche and a citrus salmon over risotto. The other option was octopus ravioli... I had no problem turning that down pronto.

The night passed over glasses of pisco sour, red wine, and espresso. The people at my table table spent the three hours of gourmet dining speaking fluent and fluid Spanglish, switching between the two languages from course to course, sentence to sentence.

The entire weekend was designed with the intention to bring us together again, and a reunion was much needed. I hadn't seen anyone from CIEE since Copa America in early July. The teachers from Duoc had all just returned from a month of winter vacation, and most of them had flown north to explore the Atacama desert and Peru. I had worked through July with the Language Company, and it was a breath of fresh air to escape from the streets of Santiago, even if it was only for a weekend.

We were celebrating in style, and it was definitely a night worthy of celebrating: we are officially half way done with our program in Chile.

I have four months left in Santiago, and although December is still far off in the future, I can feel it getting closer. If I've learned anything from physics class and first-hand experience with gravity, it's that going down a hill is a lot faster than going up it. The time that I have left here will fly by, and if I don't take time to stop and look around, I'm worried the next time I really see the city is from the O'Higgins runway.

So this is my chance to take a breath, close my eyes, and fully appreciate everything that has brought me to where I am today, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Undoubtedly, there is a good amount of each.

I've had days where I've hated the city. I've closed my door and my window, pulled the blankets up to my chin, and watched Netflix until I fell asleep. I have tasted the pollution in the air as I walked through the city streets. I've fallen asleep watching my breath freeze in the winter night air. I have made morning showers increasingly more optional, not willing to leave the warmth of my bed and struggle with the calefont yet again. I've learned to sleep standing up on public transportation, and the look of eyes glazed over with pure exhaustion looks a lot more familiar when it's staring back at me from the mirror.

On rainy mornings, I've jumped over puddles as I rushed to my class only to be splashed by a cab I could never afford. My shoes are worn thin, and the water finds its way through the soles and into my socks. In the winter, there is a cold that sinks through clothes and into skin, lingering in a place that can't get warm.

On top of that, there is a small, lingering recognition that I could always eat a little bit more after every meal, and I have grown to accept it. I open my cupboards hoping to find a snack that I know isn't going to be there, and I drink tea just for the sensation of having something more. I live my life paycheck to paycheck, and I created a budget so that I could watch as my money dwindles away day by day, week by week, and peso by peso. Then payday comes, and it is glorious. Everyone warned me that in South America, teachers break even...maybe. They were right.

 As I stand here, looking out over the ocean, I wonder if I should have made a different decision. I wonder what my life would have been like in another country, city, or job.

• What if I had worked with Duoc and had my own classroom?
• What if I had three to five classes instead of twenty (and counting)?
• How would I see Santiago if I lived closer to Centro instead of in Las Condes?
• What would my time here be like if I was in Valparaiso or Viña del Mar?

When I came to this country, it was fall. The nights were warm, the city was new, and the future was exciting. Then the third month started, and the the honeymoon phase ended. It was winter: cold, polluted, and rainy. I'm not blaming the weather for my feelings, but if five years in Illinois taught me anything, it's that winter comes with a lot of emotions that tend to melt away in the spring.

The city is cramped, frustrating, polluted, rushed, and pretty free of anything resembling nature. As a recent graduate/ young teacher, my existence is defined by pinching pennies and making things work when they probably shouldn't. Living here is not always easy, and I would be lying if I said that I have fallen in love with Santiago.

But I have loved what Santiago has enabled me to do. I owe Santiago for the things that I have done, the people that I have met, and the person I have become while being here. In my early days, I wrote my set of Santiagoals, and I've always kept them in mind. So far, I'm proud to say they are all well on their way to being finished.

Goal 1: Drink Wine. I know the process of making red wine, and I can easily walk through the steps of a wine tasting and sound reasonably intelligent and elitist. I officially decided that Cabernet Sauvignon is my favorite, and I can easily give my reasons. Not that I should have to seeing that it's the obvious choice.

Goal 2: See Chile. No, I haven't had the chance to travel much (at all) in Chile. But plans are in the works for the Atacama, Patagonia, and the coast. All I need are some savings, sunshine, and summer.

Goal 3: See South America. I've already been to Argentina and rejoiced in the milanesa and matte. The Mendozbros (a very selective group of only the best of friends) went to Mendoza and dined on rare steaks only to wash it all down with bottles of malbec. We biked to three vineyards and had a lunch of meat, cheese, and olives in a cellar surrounded by some of the best wine in the world. In December, I'm going to Peru with my Pops, and I'm hoping to find my way to Buenos Aires soon.

Goal 4: Speak Spanish. Living in Chile implies meeting people who only speak Spanish. Four months ago, we would have introduced ourselves, parted ways, and thought, "God, that conversation was long. I bet he understood nothing I said." Now, not only can we talk, but they are also gracious enough to laugh at my jokes. I have three days left on Duolingo until I finish it, and I'm working my way through my first Spanish book- no translation required. My accent is strong, and my grammar is questionable. But I function, and I do it convincingly.

Goal 5: Be a Better Teacher. I'm teaching over twenty hours a week with kids and adults from starter to advanced English levels. I might color snowmen one class and talk about restructuring the jailing system in Chile the next. I'm so flexible that I would put Gabby Douglas to shame. Not only that, but I am at a point where I don't work on the weekends. I steal more resources than ever before and make them work for me. Teaching in cafes, on coffee tables, or on bedroom floors is now second nature, and I feel like I am truly designing these lessons with each student in mind. I had never taught English as a second language, and now, I have a Google Drive full of materials and strategies that I am creating, revising, and making better.

The other day, I spent the day downtown with two friends. It had rained the day before, and for the first time, I saw the Andes from Plaza de Armas, the heart of the city. We had pastel de choclo for lunch before stopping by a marketplace for some street-side piercings. Then we sat on a hill looking over the city streets and drinking a warm, white wine that repulsed me. The wine wasn't my choice. Later, we found ourselves on a bench eating maracuyá ice-cream from my favorite parlor and watching old men play checkers. That day, I loved Santiago. I loved that this was my ordinary and that I had a long time left to live in it.

Today, I woke up by the sea in Valparaiso. I had four cups of coffee at breakfast and enjoyed an italiano for lunch with a friend. I caught the bus at 2:00 and was at my front door by 4:30. I am surrounded by people that I am head over heels for, places very literally featured on NatGeo, and opportunities that can open up my world, if only I'm willing to take them.

If people happily live their entire lives here, I can absolutely do the same for a year. I don't believe that this is where I will stay or what I will do, but right now, this is where I am. I'm living my life moment by moment, and so far, I'm proud of the moments that I have created. Now it's time to make some more.